Priorities

There are some things that you need to know before I write this, like things that are going on effecting my madness/state of mind:

Kris has been gone for 2 weeks.  He won't be back until Thursday.  He is in Florida, hired for a job that was supposed to be 14 days.  Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for the work, but I needed you to know my state of mind being "on duty" 24/7 as I write this.

So I am a wee bit overweight (understatment) I have some leftover baby weight that I cannot get motivated to lose.  I don't need a pep talk, I KNOW I can do it, I have done it before-it's just...well let me put it this way, a long time ago I heard a quote from Janet Jackson something like, "I am one of those people who has to eat right and exercise a lot to be thin." I am also one of those people Janet.  I have to eat A LOT LESS and exercise A LOT MORE to get rid of this junk in the trunk....and in the front seat if you know what I mean.  It's just easier to eat Oreo cookies dunked in milk than go running with the double jogger, stopping every three feet to look at things my three year old points out.  In fact, a lady (that I have never talked to before) asked me last Sunday- "How are you feeling?" to which I replied, "My sinuses are killing me-you know allergies and all, but other than that-fine, how about you?"  Later I realized......I was wearing an empire waist style dress-SON OF A GUN DID SHE THINK I WAS PREGNANT?!  I'm not sure....but like I said important to the state of mind.  As of right now, me no likey skinny people. 

So I am at church today, by myself with the kiddos. At my church everyone is together for the first part-there is no nursery until the second hour (Reese isn't old enough anyway).  We get there early, I am so excited.....except that I forgot my bag to teach my class.  So thankfully we are about one minute away, so I bust it back making it to church just after it starts.  So here I come, with the kids and what feels like 74 bags with me of snacks, toys, books, scriptures, lesson manual, crafts, crayons, etc. Abram was a champ,....Reese on the other hand-total monkey.  He is doing this new thing now where he will put himself to sleep-which is AWESOME-but he has to be in his own bed.  So he won't fall asleep at church anymore, he will just be super tired, and delirious. So I am wrestling with him, trying to keep him entertained, and keep him from crawling over me into the aisle.  We don't have pews (I don't know why) so chairs make life a lot more difficult.  Then I am sitting behind this cute young married couple-let's call them "Barbie and Ken".  Who are so skinny they have goosebumps because the air is on while I am SWEATING like a pig, trying to contain my one year old.  People, I was a birth control commercial!! You know what I am talking about, that break in reality where even though everyone really isn't staring at you and judging your mothering skills, you feel like they are.  Where everything that normally works to entertain your child, isn't.  Where for some reason this seems like THE LONGEST HOUR OF YOUR LIFE!! And then there is Barbie and Ken, you don't really care about Ken, it's Barbie-you know tall, thin, beautiful, and perfect-except she doesn't think she's any of those things so it's even worse because you have no reason to dislike her.  You just find yourself comparing yourself to her.  It's a wonder that they make perfect dresses in her size b/c she is so small, when you chose the dress with the big flowers hoping it would camoflauge. SO this was the start to my day.  We made it through church thanks to some help from some friends and made it home, we ALL took a nap. 

Then, I was making supper.

Nothing fancy, just spaghetti.  I hear my oldest singing "I am a Child of God" and other songs in the backround, and I hear my youngest blowing kisses at me waiting for me to yell "Ouch!" when they hit, only for him to have the biggest grin and start laughing so hard.  To see my youngest folding his arms for the prayer, to talk about what we learned at church, and then for them to eat spaghetti like it was the best gourmet dinner they had ever tasted.  It was in those sweet moments that I feel the most beautiful.  Like I feel like this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing.  All of the negative thoughts I had had that morning were gone.  I am doing the hardest, most rewarding job that I will ever have......